dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
