I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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