I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
