Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize