There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
