I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
