3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
