after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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