Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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