why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
