Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
