u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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