I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
