after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
