So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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