i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
