too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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