Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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