Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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