i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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