I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
