If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
