u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
