i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
