Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
