I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
