I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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