We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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