if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
