ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
