I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
