Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
