high people should be assigned attendants
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
