so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
