Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im just a social blackout drinker.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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