Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize