My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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