No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
