You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
