pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
