pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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