i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
