is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize
