Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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