Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He felt like a one man threesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
