i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The beer is more important than you right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
