I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
