He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
