i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
