ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
