The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
