I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
