I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
