Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
