I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
