Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
