If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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