And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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