woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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