Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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