I heard we made out
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is wine microwaveable?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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