4 words: hood of his car
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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