I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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