I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
