I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
