This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
