So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
