i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize