two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
