2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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