the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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