We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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