WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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