Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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