wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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