how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
