carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
