Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
