I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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