Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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