Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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