There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
