I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
