you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
