Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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