when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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