After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We are all done wearing pants today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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