I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
