I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
