I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize